I just want to be me! | The Lesbian Question

I just want to be me!

It?s been really difficult lately. Double life?s aren?t fun.

So I just turned 17 June 12, which is awesome! Back in late April, I came out to the girl I love, it was a complete accident, a stupid text was sent, and it led to questions, but I am glad I came out to her! She isn?t willing to commit to anything because she is still trying to figure herself out. With her help I came out to two other of my friends and it?honestly went better then I could ever dream! They have been there for me through everything thus far.

Here is the issue, I really love this girl, like she?s the first thing I think about in the morning, and the last thing I think about at night. It is becoming a problem, because I am losing her. I just finished my junior year in high school and she just finished her senior year. She?s off to a college two hours away. I need to make my life easy and come out?.to my family. It?s not that simple though. Through the years my parent?s, for lack of better terms, have bullied and emotionally abused me. They started to call me gay, lesbian, butch, and dyke and other hateful, derisive words back when I was a freshmen.?Coincidentally?that was the year I met this girl, but they don?t know that. With their verbal abuse life became pretty?unbearable, I turned to cutting, to turn my emotional pain into something more manageable. I also became very depressed. They really didn?t and haven?t notice any changes in my personality. At times I often thought of taking my own life just to end the pain, so I wouldn?t have to deal with them anymore. Thankfully now I have this girl and my other two friends who are there to help me through everything. Anyway I need to come out to my family so I don?t have to hide myself. They?ve started to notice the cuts and have asked questions, but I can?t tell them the answer I need to. They are the ones who made me so insecure in myself that I started cutting. They aren?t really homophobic but they aren?t exactly waving a rainbow flag. Now I need to trust them and own up to my depression, my suicidal thoughts, and the fact that I?m gay. I?m afraid of dumping all of that on them all at once, but it all goes hand in hand with each other. I am having difficulty with this because I want to be me and not have to lie, but I don?t want their abuse to?escalate. I want to be loved for who I am, not what I am.

I could really use some help and support. I am finding it difficult to handle this on my own. When should I come out? To whom should I come out first to? How should I come out? Anyone been in the same situation and come out okay?

Source: http://www.thelesbianquestion.com/2012/07/16/i-just-want-to-be-me/

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